What

This is something I’m not sure I want to be successful, however that metric ends up being measured. I have a very bi-polar attitude to all of this. I want to make my thoughts and feelings known but I don’t know that I would want the attention such ephemera would attract. No, wanting is not necessarily the right word, but dealing with the attention is not something I think I want to do. On the one hand, to the extent that I DO put shit out there, it is mostly ignored. On the other, when I have been noticed, the feedback has been generally positive.

So I have this fear of being ridiculed. It makes me not do things that I want to do, which is sad and annoying both. When I’ve bypassed or ignored that fear, I’ve found the fear to be unfounded. 🙂 As I said in the first post and only post more than half a year ago, I don’t know what this is. I am the type of person who wants to be fearless and spontaneous in my creativity, but won’t do it unless SOME planning is in place and then won’t take the time to plan because it’s too much like work and why do I want to work in my spare time. I use the excuse of disorganization to rationalize the fear of being ridiculed.

So, this is what this is: a mechanism to rise above ridicule.

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